Free As A Bird

I wasn’t really aware that this was the case. We never really are, until we have a new way of seeing.

During the months preceding my fortieth birthday, I had several secret mini breakdowns where I would dissolve in the shower, sobbing silently to myself, heart breaking. 

I desperately wanted to feel better, be better, do better at growing myself and my family, but I didn’t feel good enough. I thought I needed fixing. Having grown up in a “broken” home, I had, from a very young age, felt that there was something not quite right with me.

In the summer of 2011, I attended my first seminar about innate wellbeing. It had honestly never occurred to me that this was something I was born with – as we all are – and could never lose. 

It was a revelation to me that I did not need fixing; to realise that none of us do. 
We are whole, at heart, full of love and understanding and we are everything we are searching for outside of ourselves. We don’t need to find ourselves. We already are that which we seek.

On the train back from Coggeshall that day, my thoughts were, as is their true nature, hard to grasp hold of. For the first time in my life, I was filled with a stillness and a sense of well being. 

I was as free as a bird. 

let the birds of unhappiness fly through the sky of your mind –  just don’t let them make a nest in your hair

Dicken Bettinger, seminar June 2012